Football Tactics for Beginners: Pressing and Counter-Pressing

Introduction:The idea of pressing is to put pressure on the ball with the intention of winning it back off of the opposition. By forcing...
Ritesh Gogineni
Editor/Founder of The False 9.

Latest Posts

The 1918 Spanish Flu Pandemic and it’s impact on Football

Not in Kansas AnymoreA century ago, amidst the poultry and pig farms in a small corner of Kansas, a local doctor became inundated...

The Best Football Books of 2020

It's been another eventful year in the world of football. As we look forward to 2021, we have compiled a list of the best...

Big Sam’s tactics against Liverpool show the template to stifle Klopp’s side

Two complete opposites came up in the congested Christmas fixture list, as Liverpool in great form sitting at the top of the table look...

The Meteoric Rise of RB Leipzig: From Tier Five Football to the Champions League

The best football clubs in the world usually have a storied history, years of success, and generations of fans. However, one of the best...

4 players Man United can target in January transfer window to challenge for the title

Manchester United after an up and down start to the season find themselves 5 points behind Liverpool with a game in hand. After being...

The Return of Strike Partnerships in the Premier League? Part 1

No matter the make-up, the notion of a strike partnership – two out-and-out attackers, often with very different strengths and calling cards, working seamlessly...

Man United expected lineup, tactics against City: Solskajer to go back to 4-3-3 formation

Manchester United and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer are under tremendous pressure after their disastrous performance against RB Leipzig which saw them drop out of Champions...

Football Books

The Best Football Books of 2020

It's been another eventful year in the world of football. As we look forward to 2021, we have compiled a list of the best...

Foul- The Beautiful Game, An Ugly Truth [Book Excerpt]

The clip-clop of football boot studs on concrete echoed through the tunnel over the hum of distant crowd noise. A drenched team of players...

Best Football Analytics Books

We have compiled a list of the best football analytics books for the casual football fan. Football analytics and data science/machine learning in general...

The Best Football Books of 2019

It's been another eventful year in the world of football. As we look forward to 2020, we have compiled a list of the best...

The Best Football Books of 2018

It's been another eventful year in the world of football. As we look forward to 2019, we have compiled a list of the best...

My Perfect Player

 
Hair – Neymar
One thing people do not know about Neymar’s hairstyle is that it is aerodynamically designed to cut down on air resistance during running. People may laugh and fans may mock, but his unique hairstyle is one of the reasons he is so sought after by the European clubs. Designed by a Italian enginner who works for the Ferrari F1 team, his hair is cut in such a way that it creates a difference in pressure around his head which helps him while running and going past defenders.

Left Hand – Diego Maradona
When I first thought about hands for my perfect player, the first names in my mind were Banks, Yashin and some other modern shot-stoppers. But then I thought, my perfect player’s hands should also be able to score goals. And if my player has the hand of God himself then what else do I need.I considered Thierry Henry’s left hand too, but it brought more despair to France than joy.
Right Hand – Luis Suarez
Although Suarez saved Uruguay with both his hands, his right hand was the one which actually made the save (he told me after the match). So anyone who saves his nation with his right hand should obviously be on this list. Another contender for this position was the now retired Paul Scholes’s right hand. If you can recollect in one of the games, he managed to hit a volleyball smash into the goal, sadly his application was rejected as the goal was disallowed.
Eyes – Pierluigi Collina
You may all know him as the referee with terrifying eyes. But I know him as a teenage central defender (I was there on his debut at Bologna). With his eyes my perfect player can terrify anyone. The referee would get nightmares about my eyes and they would not dare book him. One downside: little children will stop coming to the stadium.
Temper – Sir Alex Ferguson
Who else? The Ex-Rangers center forward has a battery operated temper, which can be switched on and off as you wish. Yes,we are talking about the famous hairdryer which now is celebrating its 25th anniversary at the Theatre of Dreams. With this sort of a temper, players wont think twice when asked to pass the ball or leave a freekick alone.
Heart and Soul – Super Mario 
Jose Mourinho once said he was unmanageable. But many people have no idea about the real Mario. One night after winning 25k in a Manchester casino, he gave £1000 to a homeless man – now have you ever heard any footballer doing anything for charity? And on an another occasion, he drove a boy home after he ran away from bullies and then confronted the bullies himself – now name one footballer who has the courage to do that?
Right Leg – Nigel de Jong
This was a tough choice, as I had to choose between a certain Eric Cantona who can a perform a flying kung fu kick, which would make Bruce Lee proud. But again, here stealth and not getting caught is more important. So I certainly want my player to have the right leg of Nigel De Jong, which comes with the ability to break the opponent’s leg whenever you want and get away with it. And once in a while kick the hell out of your opponent (remember Xabi Alonso) and somehow escape from getting even booked.
Left Leg – Lionel Messi
Well my player can score goals with his hands, terrify people, break other player’s legs but he needs to play some football too. So I have gone for the best footballer of out generation, Lionel Messi. With that kind of a left leg ,my player will be able to dribble, shoot, chip, lob, practically do everything which is possible with a football.
 

Related

The Man of Ten Thousand Voices

A young man graciously welcomes me into a room radiated with TV screens, computers, control panels, and flashing LEDs.  A small group of men...

Wind changes direction in North London- Arsenal star Jack Wilshere injured [Satire]

In an unfortunate incident , wind in North London suddenly changed it's direction because of which Jack Wilshere injured his right knee as he...

The erratic locomotive prediction machine agitates once more into action

English football descended into pandemonium this week as fans and pundits alike have been unashamedly changing their Premier League predictions after just two games. Not since...

Dr. Carneiro or: How I should learn not to stop the game and love the boss

Hundreds of journalists this week have condemned Jose Mourinho for his treatment of Eva Carneiro and Jon Fearn after they wrongly ran onto the...

Why England can win the FIFA World Cup 2018

England has made impressive progress after the first round exit at the World Cup in Brazil. Before the draw against Italy in Turin,England had...

8 things to look forward to in the next round of the World Cup [Satire]

Xavi to examine the grass length before the Chile gameIt's commonly known fact that if Barcelona/Spain ever lose a game then it's because of...

5 reasons why Manchester United will beat Bayern Munich

Even David Moyes thinks the headline is funnyRead on,at the end of the article,I am sure you will agree with us that,United are going...

5 Reasons why David Moyes has been good for Manchester United

Even Moyes seems shocked at our headlineNote-If you don't get satire please don't read moreManchester United are now universally popularManchester United were easily the most hated...

A Sad Day in Football: AC Milan 2:0 Barcelona

If you don't understand satire,please don't read this article.I couldn't believe my eyes when i saw the final score the next day morning. AC...

Latest Posts

The 1918 Spanish Flu Pandemic and it’s impact on Football

Not in Kansas AnymoreA century ago, amidst the poultry and pig farms in a small corner of Kansas, a local doctor became inundated...

The Best Football Books of 2020

It's been another eventful year in the world of football. As we look forward to 2021, we have compiled a list of the best...

Big Sam’s tactics against Liverpool show the template to stifle Klopp’s side

Two complete opposites came up in the congested Christmas fixture list, as Liverpool in great form sitting at the top of the table look...

The Meteoric Rise of RB Leipzig: From Tier Five Football to the Champions League

The best football clubs in the world usually have a storied history, years of success, and generations of fans. However, one of the best...

Don't Miss

Descent into darkness: Osvaldo Zubeldia and the era of antifutbol

EVEN if Billy McNeill was really nicknamed Cesar rather than Caesar, there was no denying that the scene on May 25, 1967, was one...

A look back at Liverpool’s treble winning 1983/84 season

In the wake of Manchester City’s record-breaking claim to the Premier League, The False 9 will look back at some of the greatest club...

How Pep Guardiola’s Barcelona Reinvented Total Football

Arrigo Sachi, the mastermind of the Milan side of the 80′s, had once staked a claim that the next tactical revolution in the game,...

English Football and its “Get Stuck-In” Mentality

It was a glum group of players and supporters who filed out of Matlock Town’s Causeway Lane ground in 1982. Hyde United had lost...

The Jürgen Klopp Pressing system

If a single tactical feature were to be used to define a manager, for Jurgen Klopp, it would certainly be the pressing or the...

Football History

Football And Alcohol

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”Football and booze go a long long way back, in...

Remembering Arthur Wharton: The First Black Professional Footballer

In an interview from 1888, Arthur Wharton recalled overhearing a conversation between two fellow track competitors some years before. “Who’s he,” one rhetorically asked,...

Great Squads From History – Bayer Leverkusen 2001-2002

The 2001-02 great Bayer Leverkusen side is infamous for their incredible choke job in the last stretch of the season, losing out on three...

Súper Dépor! The rise and fall of Deportivo La Coruña

At the StartWith the exception of a 2nd place finish to Helenio Herrera’s Atlético Madrid in 1948/49, Deportivo La Coruña have historically plied their...

Lifted Over The Turnstiles: Scotland’s Football Grounds In The Black & White Era

This most comprehensive book about old Scottish football grounds ever published, Lifted Over the Turnstiles contains almost 200 photos of 42 football stadiums here...